Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Mourning the Loss of my Imaginative Mind


I've always been the girl with the wild imagination, always dreaming. Reality was the fantasy world in my head; the inexistant world. I could never understand the true purpose for things, for I had made up my own. Real friends were far and few with me. I preferred to remain alone, locked away inside myself, never to hear the outside world, for the music in my fantasies was much too loud. I've been everywhere, done everything, and met most everyone I dubbed important enough to aquaint myself with. I considered myself the "Keeper of the Knowledge of the World". I knew it all. I flew with the faries, ran with the unicorns and swam with the mermaids. I could not be contained; I was a restless spirit in a thousand worlds at once. My blue eyes had been tainted, I saw things that noone else could. I was a dreamer, on the go, never to be stopped. I've written hundreds of unfinished books, detailing my glorious adventures. When reality rejected me, I never dwelled, for I was a princess in my places, places where noone else could go but me, where I was the most beautiful, most intelligent, funniest, and the most gentle; Where I was greeted with a deafening cheer every time I returned. When the world remained unsatisfactory in my eyes, complaining was never an idea, but escaping was. I was a dreamer...

Somewhere along life's bumpy roads, it has all vanished; the faries, the mermaids, the imaginary friends, the kingdoms. Its all disappeared. I've finally been captured, my mind is now tame. But when they tried to lock up my imagination, they discovered it is not entirely possible, for part of my dreams have escaped the chains of realism. But where did it all go? Where are all my dreams? Have I not always prefered fantasy over reality? Then why did I let go? I try so hard to relive my dreams, but always with a pained disappointment. As I strive for my mind's release, I remain mourning the loss of my imaginative mind.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Are you conent? (E.S.)


are you content?
there are times in your life where you look at the girl next to, or photos of the people you idealize and wonder why you werent born to be as extraordinarily beautiful or nearly as brilliant as them. and you watch them in awe of their every movement and gesture. that quiet and gentle boldness. then one day you, subconsciosly, are living as though you were a person such as that and when you realize it, you are more content with yourself than ever. not because you have achieved being some one you are not, because of that inner peace and delight in ones self that is only the difference between you and the other person the entire time. we are all beautiful, and we all have our down falls where we dont love ourselves like we should, and for some, its most the time. There is a time and place for realization, then a time and place to evny that of others, then finally a time and place to become your true self and be finally content.
-Emily Shingler

Lost in the Abyss of Who


Do we ever really know who we are? Do we ever really find ourselves? We can be sure at times, but do we know??

My mind at times tells me, "I've got it all right-everythings going great and I'm on top of the world". Do I really know if I'm happy?

My past has a funny way of sneaking up on me, as does everyones'. My past to me is lonliness, lies, deceit, illegality, impure, hateful, negativity, depression, drama, and pain. Why would I want to hold onto any of that? I KNOW that I wasnt happy, but I'm afraid that because I've found a new happy "ME" that I think I know who I am. I know I've not yet fully discovered myself, but if I am subconciously lying to myself, thinking I am something I'm not, then...well, I dont want to be lying to myself-but how do I know-know whats right and wrong, whats me and whats not? How does anyone really know? I'm so sure of myself sometimes, so confident, but as I've said, I am a confusing creature-Is that me? Am I doomed to be confusing? Is that a part of who I am? How do I know, when its all so...confusing...There's no book with the direct definition of who one is-we have to play the guessing game...Self-discovery is everyone's top priority-whether they realize it or not-Their jobs, their relationships, their hobbies, their likes and dislikes-Its all apart of who they are. Those who've found themselves are the lucky few, far and few between. But how are they positive? Self-doubt never comes to their minds? They are the lucky ones if that is the case. It would be perfectly simple if someone told us, "This is you; This is who you are" and we were content-but noone ever is content forever, so we remain wandering, lost in the abyss of wondering who? Who are we?

Maybe we are always "us"; always ourselves-There is no such thing as "being who we really are" around certain people because the way we act towards them is who we are-how we adapt. "Be yourself!" "Show your true colors!" These dont exist, because everything we do is apart of who we are; we are constantly changing people. Our problem is not, "Who am I?", because we are always ourselves, but, "How am I the most at peace with myself?" Finding peace with yourself is when you will blatantly know who you are. For me, I am most at peace with myself when I have a cup of hot tea, a classical book, a horse beneath me, when I am writing, photographing, painting, when I am swimming, when I am smiling...Finding your smile, your real smile, is finding you.

I refuse to remain lost in the abyss of who any longer-I know who I am, what I want, maybe not everything I want, but I am confusing, its apart of who I am, and I know that. I know who I am, what I enjoy and what I dont, I know what makes me smile. For the rest of those still lost in the abyss of who, good luck...Smile...Writing this has helped me realize...

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Beauty Darkened, Yet Here I Am


waiting outside, in a trite and hollow night

underneath a forest of stars, to light the way

on a dark and lonely path,out of sight

the tall trees tremble in their fright

and the holes from heaven barely show below

waiting outside, in a trite and hollow night

whispers roll by quickly through the desolate site

hopes of catching a spotlight from above

on a dark and lonely path, out of sight

the dark and the light, stop in their fight

in front of a road owned by time

waiting outside, in a trite and hollow night

tiny stars shimmer in delight

one chance to show a past beauty

on a dark and lonely path, out of sight

and yet, travelers stroll on by

avoiding the blank mysteries

waiting outside,

in a trite and hollow night

on a dark and lonely path, out of sight

-justin disandro

Rain walks




Sitting alone in my house,boredom creeps from behind.

The day is grey,no sun, no shine.

Just as I began to make my fourth cup of tea,

Raindrops pitter and patter against my window.

I jump up and race to my room,

find a sweater and I'm out that front door.

...

My first breath; long and filling...

What mountain air should be.

Pure and refreshing.

I love the rain.I've needed it.

...

How do you describe the rain?

Pure, exhilirating,

soul cleansing, mind refreshing.

and spirit washing.

Invigorating, rejuvinating,

Perfection in drops, direct from GOD himself.

...

As the rain drops slide down my cheeks and down my back,

I shiver. But it is not a complaining pitiful shiver,

It is shivering with joy as the wind and rain bite at me.

All hateful thoughts have flowed from my mind...

In puddles I splash,

as I run in the street.

Not a soul around,

just me.

I do not dare take deep breaths,

for up here the rain wont last,

and i should leave the peaceful air to share.

Cool and crisp,

I love the rain.

...

I will never forfeit my rain walks,

no matter if only it sprinkles or pours,

I will have my rain walks...

Radiance


"In Tuscany there are hillsides on end of golden sunflowers, and in California orange poppies populate groundswells of earth, and in Colorado galaxies of wildflowers race up the mountain slopes. A life lived in such multihued abundance-oh, to be a flower saluting the sun! Dandelions, too, look up past me toward the light of the heavens, and in their simple magnificence dont even bother to ask of us what we do of them: Why? Whether plucked or composted, or held tightly in a bouquet, we can only hope to be like them, serene, aware, confident, surely born of simple sun, water and time." -Todd Runestad

Lullaby


"Every bear knows that honeyed tea can sweeten your dreams. So fill your mug dearest one, and when its time glide beneath the silver, blissful waves of night, take a moment to reflect on the wisdom and insights you've gained this precious day. Rejoice in every melody you heard, the smiles you shared with strangers, the blissfully simple laugh of a child, the sugar spun clouds waltzing through a patch of topaz sky. Now snuggle into your favorite pillow and be filled with warmth and perfect peace." -Debra Bokur